I am not trying to make you fall in love with me - I will not, I cannot - I am trying to write you down until I no longer need to deal with the breathless upkeep it requires for collapsing wildly, bone-deep, inexorably in love with you
How do I unwrite you from across my mind - how do I unadore you - how do I keep you from creeping up my veins continuously all day like bloodflow with invisible, irrevocable drive.
How do I unlove you when you don’t even want me
The weight of the world
Pressed heavily against
And I found comfort
In the struggling desire
of his lips
So she sank in the hollow between his neck and arms and listened quietly to the steady, slumber of his breaths. The moonlight barely spilled across the room. His skin warm in the sheets as it is cold out.
What a beautiful boy, I thought - filled with heartaches and mischief, and oddly even - love, that overflows from his veins and his core to the rapid rolling that is the world he built around him. What a riot of a boy, I thought - an organised chaos of life and work and everything he tried to fill the in-betweens with, rampant and regal and boisterous and calm in so many fascinating ways.
What a foolish little girl I am - so enamoured with how he is, was, will / will never become; so terribly immersed in the beauty of his lacking and his having.
What a mess, she paused - and took a deep breath, before jumping and free falling right where his chaos met her calm and all that she knew was the life in each kiss, each gaze, each whiff of his breath, each good bye and good morning, each deepened longing that was not solved by absence but by feeling.
What a night, I thought - and what a way to start a day - with your hands underneath my skin and my soul that kept up a fight until it had finally caved in.
Boy what have you done
You never were supposed to be
All that I crave in one
The hollow of your eyes
The stubble of your cheeks
The moles on your temples
The bridge of your nose
The cracks in your lips
The ecstasy in your skin
The lucid consumption of daylight
As I crumble to breathe you in
The tangled sheets between us
Your hair in the spaces of my tips
The dancing cruel bright of morning
The skin I crave, your careful lips
Boy what have you done
My careless heart
Is on the run